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Been running from these feelings
for so long
By the time they left for the party, it was
almost back to normal. Almost. Aliesa was draped on Shane’s
arm when they headed down to meet the other guys in the limousine.
She was a little quiet, but she was smiling at everyone. Laughing
at Kian’s antics, rolling her eyes with Mark when Nicky took his millionth
cell phone call of the day, she even winked at Bryan when he silently asked
her if she was okay by tapping the side of her thigh. But things
were different. There was unspoken tension in the air even if Shane
and Aliesa were holding hands.
“You nervous?” Aliesa’s eyes widened a little. “Nervous?” “You’re going to bite that fingernail off,” Shane teased, holding one of the wine glasses he was carrying out to her. She immediately removed the finger away from her mouth; giving him an uneasy smile as she took the wine he was offering her. And then she proceeded to take a large sip from it, a very large sip. “It’s just…this party and…” Aliesa took another drink. “I don’t…” She tilted the glass to her lips again but Shane’s hand on her own stopped her. He lowered the glass. “Calm down Ali.” Aliesa bit her lip and nodded. Her gaze straying to the glass, it was almost empty. “What’s wrong?” She lifted her eyes up to find his hazel eyes questioning her. They were so brown right now, very, very brown. A girl could get lost. She gulped and gave him a hesitant smile. “Nothing,” she lied lifting the drink back up. But it didn’t make it. It was about halfway to her mouth when she froze at the sight across the room. Her stomach dropped. “Christian,” she breathed out. Her heart seemed to stop for a second. She’d known he was going to be here. She knew. But she hadn’t counted on the fact that he was there with someone else. A very familiar someone else, a face she recognized as a popular blonde model. He had never been into blondes. Had he? She blinked rapidly. “Who?” Aliesa downed the rest of the wine in one take. Shane raised an eyebrow at the motion. “Just what I need. More to think about,” she muttered as she placed her empty glass on a passing tray being carried by one of the attendants and then took another one to replace it. Shane took it from her before she could take a swallow. “Maybe you should slow down.” “You’re right,” she said taking it back from him. He reached out and slid their free hands together. “What’s going on with you?” he asked worriedly. The touch caused her to breathe in shallowly. Shane. Just Shane. Oh God. Her eyes widened at the approaching figure. She was going to kill Shannon for making them go. Kill her. Her hand tightened unconsciously against Shane’s. “Ali?” Aliesa couldn’t help but take a drink. Shane followed her gaze. “Oh.” Aliesa shook her head. “Shane…” “Hey.” Gillian smiled at the pair. “I just wanted to stop by and say hello. I saw you two across the room.” This was not happening right now. Aliesa took another large sip of her wine and blinked. Nope. It was. She plastered a polite smile on her face. “Hi,” she uttered out before drinking some more. “Gillian. How have you been?” Shane greeted. Before Gillian could even contemplate a response to Shane’s question, Aliesa’s voice cut-in. “Will you both excuse me? I’m empty,” she said motioning helplessly to her glass. She stepped away, her fingers slipping from Shane’s. But she wasn’t fast enough. Shane grabbed Aliesa’s wrist as she moved forward. “Ali maybe...” “I think I see someone I know,” Aliesa pronounced interjecting. “I should get some mingling time in while I look for that drink. Don’t want people thinking I’m ignoring them.” She let out a small laugh. Forced of course. Shane noticed. He passed her a wary look. Aliesa pretended she didn’t see. Instead she tilted her head to Gillian. “It was good seeing you again. We’ll talk later?” she said, dishing out the schpel she normally reserved for industry obligations. And as an afterthought added, “Say hello to that cute boyfriend of yours for me will you.” Gillian simply nodded in response. “Of course. Nice seeing you too.” Aliesa matched her smile, and then leaned over and gave Shane a quick kiss on the cheek. She smudged the lipstick trace she left. “I’ll be back,” she promised gently, removing herself from his grasp. Shane and Gillian both watched Aliesa head off. “I get the feeling she doesn’t like me very much,” Gillian alluded as Aliesa stopped mid-way across the room to talk to someone. “She’s just tired,” Shane remarked hastily, then frowned, when he recognized who it was exactly she had stopped to talk to. Christian Burns. Shane ignored that tightening in his chest as he thought of her hasty retreat. Turning away abruptly from the sight, he took a quick sip of wine. “So tell me. What have you been up to?” ************************************** She never did get that other drink. After her run-in with the two exes, Aliesa found herself on the balcony outside. She could hardly think, let alone try to have a decent conversation with anyone inside. Her mind was swimming with too much. Because when she ran into Christian and he called her Ellie her heart fluttered. But it didn’t flutter in the way it used to. Maybe it was because the whole time she was catching up with her ex-boyfriend all she could think about was that Shane was talking to his ex-girlfriend on the other side of the room, his beautiful ex-girlfriend. And here she was talking to Christian and being introduced to his date, another beautiful woman. And it confused her because she could almost say she didn’t care about Christian and his date. But she cared with Shane. She cared with Shane. And that was just calling for trouble. She was supposed to be avoiding trouble. “I thought I’d find you out here.” Speak of the devil… Aliesa closed her eyes tight at the familiar voice. A pair of arms wrapped around her from behind. She lost herself in the sensation of having him there with her. Shane. Just Shane. “Everything okay?” he murmured into her hair. She nodded. “Liar.” Despite the gravity of it all, she couldn’t help but laugh a little at the comment. She buried her face against his chest seeking some sort of small comfort from her thoughts. “I thought you were coming right back?” Aliesa sighed. “I needed some fresh air,” she said simply, hoping he wouldn’t press her for any more details. What could she say? I’m out here because I had a run-in with my ex-boyfriend and I’m not really jealous he had a date but I think I’m jealous of your ex-girlfriend even though I shouldn’t be because its not like we’re together and by the way remember when I said no complications well I think we’re going to have some if I continue to have these kinds of thoughts about you in my head so please do us both a favor and step away so that way my heart won’t beat like this and we can just get back to normal when everything was a little bit more simple well then again was it ever simple well it was relatively simple just we need to stop whatever this is turning out to be and stick to the plan. No way was that coming out of her mouth. Fresh air, that was enough of an explanation. Shane knew when not to push. He let the explanation slide. Leaning forward, he brushed his cheek against hers. “Well you’re missing all the fun out here you know. They started dancing in there.” Aliesa’s lower lip caught in her teeth. The closeness was a little too much for her senses. He was making this hard for her. “Dancing?” “Dance with me Ali.” She tilted her head up and met his eyes. Big mistake. “Hmm?” “Dance with me,” he repeated turning her around so she faced him. Shane. Just Shane. She adverted her gaze so that she looked past him at the double doors that led back inside, anything but into his eyes. “I guess we should get back inside. I’ve been out here for a while people might talk.” One of his hands came up and smoothed out her hair, brushing the strands so they swept off her shoulders. “Not inside.” Her gaze returned to him. “What?” “Right now.” “We can’t dance out here,” Aliesa managed to get out. “What’s stopping us?” he responded, moving her arms so they wrapped around his neck. “Shane there isn’t any music out here,” Aliesa sputtered as his arms found their way around her waist. “So?” he answered as if it were the most obvious thing in the world, pulling away from her a bit, a small smile on his face. “We’ll make some.” “But...” Aliesa began before Shane’s silenced her with his finger on her lips. “Just dance with me Ali.” He pulled her tighter to him so that her head was resting against his shoulder. And as promised he made some music. He sang. “If ya gettin' down baby, I want it now baby …Come and get it on baby, I want it now baby… If ya gettin' down baby, I want it now baby …Come and get it on baby, I want it now baby…” And that was the point that Aliesa began to giggle, hard. He stopped his singing when she playfully pushed him as they continued to sway. “You think you’re funny don’t you?” He grinned—not that she was looking at him, but it was one of those smiles she could hear in the way he breathed. “We needed music,” Shane said innocently. Aliesa lifted her head off his shoulder at the comment. Brown eyes met hazel. “Are you trying to be cute?” “Well Miss Picky what would you like to hear instead?” he asked. Her lips formed into a shy smile, caught up in the way his eyes sparkled when he was happy. “Well if you didn’t notice the kind of dancing we’re doing calls for something a little bit slower in tempo.” “Ah, I see.” Aliesa placed her head back down. “Sing me something sweet Shaney.” And he did. If I die tonight, I’d go with no regrets…If it’s in your arms I know that I was blessed…And if your eyes are last thing that I see…Then I know the beauty heaven holds for me…But it I make it through, if I live to see a day…If I’m with you, I’ll know just what to say…The truth be told, girl you take my breath away…Every minute, every hour, every day…‘Cause every moment we share together…Is even better than the moment before…If every day was as good as today was…Then I can’t wait until tomorrow comes... If people were watching them they would have noticed the glow on her face. A moment in time is all that’s given you and me…A moment in time, and it’s something you should seize…So I won’t make a mistake of letting go…Everyday you’re here I’m gonna let you know…That every moment we share together…Is even better than the moment before…If every day was as good as today was…Then I can’t wait until tomorrow comes…Each morning that I get up, I love you more than ever…So girl I’ll never go away, never stray…So every moment we share together…Is even better than the moment before…If every day was as good as today was…Then I can’t wait until tomorrow comes… And they would have seen the way he held her just a little bit longer when it was over, swaying there on the balcony in silence for the rest of the evening. Afterall, he was Shane. Just Shane. I love the moments…Moments we share together…I love I Iove the moments…I pray they’d last forever… ************************************* Turmoil. Questions. She was literally
losing her mind. Emotional doubts did that to a person. She
thought she knew what she wanted. Didn’t she? She was admittedly
confused. No. No she wasn’t confused. She knew what she
had to do. She wasn’t wishy-washy. She wasn’t indecisive.
She was just determined.
He was going. Shane was leaving her. And he hadn’t told her. He hadn’t had the audacity to tell her himself, he’d had so many opportunities but he hadn’t had the decency to let it slip out. “Glad to welcome back to the TRL studios, a countdown favorite, Westlife. As you know they are a very busy bunch of guys, but they’ve been good enough to drop in while they’re in town.” Carson lifted his microphone higher up. “ Kian my man I heard you all were going to be in Japan?” “Tomorrow. We’re really excited to be heading over to that side of the world to see the fans. It’s been a while.” Carson nodded. “And then you guys are moving world-wide. I heard something about Australia too?” “Yes Australia. And definitely heading to a lot of other places in the next couple of months,” Kian conceded. Aliesa’s face was pale, a blank expression
adorning her features when the guys returned back into the green room.
It was obvious to them all she was distressed. Eye contact with Shane
and it was immediate knowledge why. They thought she had known.
They thought wrong. She walked out. No words. She just
walked out. Stalked past the fans. Stalked past the producers,
the directors, the tech people, the suits, the interns, the assistants,
everyone. Moved so quickly her bodyguard was jogging to keep up.
Walked straight into the awaiting van.
“I understand. Just forget it okay?” And that was that. No more. She was done with entertaining
the matter. Her head turned away and she gazed out the window to
watch the passing scenery. She didn’t speak anymore. Discussion
was closed. It was a lost cause. It was a waste of breath and
time. In the end none of his explanations were going to appease her
mind. He couldn’t say anything that would stop her from feeling like
this. In the end, it wasn’t the fact that he was leaving. It
wasn’t the fact that he hadn’t told her. She wasn’t upset because
of those things. No, it was the realization that had her like this.
Damn. Damn. The battle in her mind didn’t cease behind
closed doors in that hotel room. It raged on. There was no
solitude and avoidance from it. You couldn’t keep distance from somebody
who was just as tired, if not more so. And so Aliesa chose to plant
herself in a chair and feign engrossment in a book instead of acknowledging
Shane’s weary sighs and his frustrated glances in her direction.
But she wasn’t ignoring him. No, she was very much aware, very much
as frustrated and weary.
“I need you.” The words had barely settled in when she found her way towards him in that big bed, surprising herself and surprising him with the action. She encased herself in his arms, her head resting in the crook of his neck. She clung to him, finding that when he held her close, so close she didn’t feel quite so alone anymore. She didn’t feel so confused. And then minutes later, in the silence of that hotel room, in between the sounds of their breathing he heard her say it ever so softly. “I need you too.” Chapter
28
Copyright©2001 Obscure Thoughts, JessNJules Writing. All Rights Reserved. |