|
I know I'm blinded
“You’re looking at that like it’s going to bite you,” JC pointed out from his spot on the couch across the room where he was going through the stack of Rolling Stone article pictures. Aliesa looked over at him, a wry expression on her features. “My sister doesn’t just give presents for any apparent reason,” she replied staring back at the frame in her hands. “I thought it was a late wedding present.” She didn’t bother to glance up as she replied. “It’s a sign.” “A sign?” His face scrunched up a little. “JC, don’t give me that face.” He narrowed his eyes confused. “What face?” “The one you make when you think I’m being overdramatic.” He was all innocence. “How do you know I’m making a face when you’re not even looking at me?” “I don’t have to look up to know you’re making that face.” He opened his mouth to protest further, but then disregarded whatever he was going to say and opted for another response. “I think you’re worrying about nothing.” Aliesa grimaced, lifting her head up in his direction. “She knows something.” He didn’t respond. He just radiated a smile at her from his place on the couch. The sight caused her to quirk a brow. “Why are you smiling?” He held out his hands, motioning her over to him. “Come here.” Aliesa let out a long belabored sigh. “JC I’m being serious.” “So am I. Come over here,” he answered placatingly. Against her better judgment she got up from the loveseat she was in and made her way over, frame in hand, to stand in front of him. “Happy?” JC shook his head. “Nope.” He pulled her down into his lap before she could protest. “Now I am.” Her brown eyes rose up to his questioningly. He flashed her a grin. “You looked like you needed a hug.” Wrapping his arms around her stomach, he rested his chin on her shoulder. “So tell me. Why do you think she’s suspicious?” Aliesa leaned back against him, tilting her head against his, and exhaled. One of her shoulders rose and fell. “Because of the picture in the frame.” JC reached for the cause of Aliesa’s worries, still nestled in her hands. His eyes scanned over it. It was one of the pictures Tom had shot for Rolling Stone. Aliesa was stretched out on the couch, her head in his lap. She was laughing and he was watching her while he twirled a piece of her hair. “What’s wrong with the picture?” “She could have picked any number of pictures to put in that frame. But she picked this one to prove a point. She caught me staring at it the other day while you were gone. If it wasn’t for Lance calling and the fact that I got out of the house…” At the name, JC placed the frame on the couch beside him and interrupted. “Wait. Back-up. Lance?” Aliesa nodded. “He called the other day and then we went out.” She felt his arms tighten around her. “JC you’re going to cut off my circulation.” He ignored her comment. “You saw Lance yesterday and the day before?” She caught the terseness in his voice and turned to look up at him sharply. “Yeah so?” Aliesa saw something flicker in his eyes. He regarded her for a moment and then spoke. “Maybe that’s why your sister is suspicious.” She frowned dubiously. “What? You think my sister thinks I have some side thing going on with Lance? Like I’m cheating on you?” He offered her no argument. The look on his face saying all he needed to say. “Lance? Me? Together?” Aliesa continued. JC responded by leaning his head back against the couch cushion, his arms loosening their hold on her. Her jaw dropped. “Are you out of your mind?” The expression in his eyes remained the same. Her eyebrow arched up in disapproval. Aliesa wasn’t going to have it. She twisted around to face him, straddling him in the process, so that she was level with his eyes. “Do you know how ridiculous that sounds? Do you seriously believe that she could even think it was possible?” She watched the play of emotion cross JC’s face. “Oh god. You do don’t you?” Aliesa stared at him unable to believe it. “You think that Lance and I could…that we…Lance…” Her lips twitched, and her laughter soon followed. JC scowled. Aliesa laughed harder. “It’s not funny,” he said as she collapsed against him giggling into his chest. “It isn’t.” She lifted her head up. “If you could see…” was all she managed before bursting into laughter again. The whole thing was just priceless. “Are you finished laughing yet?” JC asked still obviously unamused. Aliesa bit her lower lip in an attempt to stop herself from laughing. The smile on her face however didn’t dissipate. “Are you done being jealous?” He shot her a look, one of half-annoyance, and something else she couldn’t decipher. “I’m not jealous,” he muttered. Her eyes danced with amusement. “I think it’s sort of sweet that you’re jealous.” “Too bad I’m not jealous.” She wrapped her arms around his neck. “Okay. You’re not jealous,” she coincided. His brows lifted over a doubtful stare. “I’m not.” “Nope.” “Ali.” “You’re not.” “Ali.” “Not in the least.” “Ali.” “Never for a moment thought you were.” “Ali.” This time his tone was firmer. “Joshy,” she said softly in response, placing her hands on his chest. He seemed a little startled at that and seemed to forget the point he was trying to make. “Joshy?” he said aloud surprised. “Uh-huh.” He shook his head at the name, but he couldn’t hide the way the corners of his lips lifted up into a small smile because of the way she was looking at him. And Aliesa, well for some strange reason she couldn’t help but watch his lips in unabashed interested. Noticing that when he smiled, when he really smiled, the left corner would lift a little bit higher than the right, and this small dimple would appear on his face. He eyed her for a moment. “Joshy?” he repeated playfully. One hand reached up, and cupped the back of her neck, his fingers lightly caressing her skin before sliding into her hair. “Umm hmm…” Aliesa nodded absently; suddenly aware of how close her body was to his. The thought ran through her mind that she hadn’t kissed him, really kissed him, since that night in his room. And now, how with one small forward motion those lips could be on hers. The mere thought seemed to cause the air around her to grow hot, almost electric. “Joshy.” The name came out almost like a breath, her lips parting ever so slightly in silent assent, drawn into the way his hazel eyes were gazing intently into hers. She reached out to touch his cheek, but he stopped her, taking a hold of her hand in his. His eyes, the clear blue seemingly smoldered and darkened into a richer shade, never left hers as he brought her fingertips to his lips, kissing them lightly. A small contented sigh escaped Aliesa at the motion. Oh. My. God. She wanted him to kiss her. Kiss her. Not because he had to. Not because he was trying to prove a point. Not because they had an audience. Not because of some game. Kiss her because he wanted to. She wanted him to kiss her. Her. Just her. She suddenly forgot to breathe in because his arm around her felt so right. Close. So, so, close. And then there was a click. And the moment was lost. Aliesa’s eyes broke away from JC’s, shooting up to the doorway. “Oh sorry I didn’t realize…I thought…I just…Hi…Hey JC.” Aliesa felt his hands slide away from her, dropping to his side. She heard him let out a few selected choice curse words. And she leaned forward, unconsciously pressing herself completely against him, her arms resting, okay more like gripping the couch, trying to find the words that were zooming through her brain but didn’t seem to be coming out of her mouth. JC spoke for them both. “Hey Bobbie.” ******************************************* “Something going on with you?” “Why would you say that?” Aliesa asked as nonchalantly as possible as she pushed a sleeping Lily higher up in her arms. “You’ve been pretty quiet since we’ve left the house.” Aliesa shrugged. “I’m fine, maybe a little tired, but I’m okay.” “Tired? You sure that’s all it is? You seemed a little upset earlier when Bobbie stopped by.” Aliesa wasn’t upset. She was jealous. There was a difference. Okay maybe she was jealous AND a little upset. Fine. She admitted it. Maybe more than a little, even possibly a lot upset. In her head she was already berating herself. She had to stop this. There was no real reason to be upset. JC. Her. They weren’t real and she was standing there acting like they were, upset for the reasons why she shouldn’t be in the first place. Jealous of a relationship she didn’t have. “I’m not upset K. I’m just tired. I mean why would I be upset that his ex-girlfriend dropped by? She was just picking up some stuff she had left over from before when…” Aliesa couldn’t even finish saying it she was still reeling from the afternoon. “…she lived with him,” she finally spat out. God. She really was letting this whole thing get to her. “Of course.” Kara nodded patronizingly. “But you know. Just in case you could be upset…” Aliesa parted her lips to object, but Kara held up her hand. “Not that you are, but you know if you could be upset over the fact your husband saw his ex-girlfriend today. Don’t overreact alright? There isn’t anything to doubt. JC married you, not her.” Ha. Kara. Ha. If you knew what I knew maybe you’d be thinking what I was thinking right about now. Which is HA. Don’t you understand? He was probably happy to see her. Overjoyed even. For God’s sakes, the man kept her picture in his wallet up until four days ago. And why am I even caring right now? Because you idiot you want that. You want some stupid boy carrying a picture of you in his wallet even though you broke up. You want someone to care that much. You want what you can’t have. You want real. Aliesa heaved a sigh, consciously looking over to where JC was standing. He had been swept up in signing autographs as they were exiting the building. They couldn’t have been inconspicuous if they tried, baseball cap or not. “Maybe it wasn’t such a good idea to leave him alone back there. The crowd’s getting bigger and we didn’t bring any bodyguards. I think I’m going to go over,” she said purposely stopping further discussion on the issue. Kara was disturbed at her sister’s need to change the subject, but accessed the small mob nonetheless. “You’re right he definitely looks like he needs to be rescued.” She looked back at her sister questioningly. “But do you think you should be the one to do it? You aren’t Joe Everyday either Aliesa. And let’s not forget the fact that you aren’t exactly a favorite with some fans of his right now.” Aliesa’s mouth twisted upwards as she pursed it, making a small face at the reminder of the small tendencies of abusive fan behavior. She shook her head. “I think I’ll be okay. I’ll be able to handle it. I mean I have been. The reactions have been pretty positive about the two of us, and anyway, even if it isn’t in this circumstance I’ve seen enough to know they won’t say or do anything blatant until after JC walks away.” “Still. Maybe I should go instead,” Kara argued. “The last thing you need is some verbal abuse, much less anything physical.” “K. You don’t know. If you’re worried about an adverse reaction because of me, do you know what would happen if you went over there? They might think you’re some new girlfriend, and it could be worse off. They might not wait until JC turns his back. At least I have excuses to be standing there.” “I don’t know…” “I’ll do it. It’ll save some time. We came over on this side in the first place so you could grab a souvenir for Lily remember,” Aliesa reminded her. “Fine, you win.” Kara relented. “And only because we’ll get out of this faster this way. But I swear Alie M any sign of a riot and I’m heading that way no matter what you say.” “Now who’s the one supposedly overreacting?” Wrong choice of words for Aliesa, it seemed. Kara immediately donned on the same expression she had a moment earlier, reminded of what they had been previously discussing. She patted Aliesa’s arm reassuringly. “Exactly. Because there is nothing to be overreacting about, right?” And with that double meaning she turned away. Frowning slightly, Aliesa watched her sister head into the small shop. The way she had emphasized the word “right” made her uneasy. It stirred up the same feeling within her she had felt earlier in the day when Kara had presented her with that frame. And that definitely was not a good thing. Aliesa was now almost positive her sister knew something. They were so about to be busted. She must’ve really been slipping on her act. But was it surprising with the way she couldn’t seem to be in control of her emotions lately? Aliesa pushed the apprehensiveness away, not wanting to add even more to the muddled thoughts that were crossing her mind. Bundling Lily closer to her, she headed off to see about salvaging JC from the small congregation that was surrounding him. She pushed her way through an open space, under the circumstances finding it surprisingly easy to cut in the crowd. She called out to him as she drew nearer. “JC sweetie you almost ready?” At her words, JC looked up from the sheet he was scribbling on, unable to contain the warm smile lighting up his face at the sight of Lily snuggled in her arms. “Munchkin fell asleep?” he asked moving aside to give her room to stand beside him. Aliesa glimpsed down at the resting girl lovingly before returning his smile. “Completely passed out.” He chuckled. “Gotcha. Give me a sec and we can get out of here.” She heard a small whisper behind her and knew realization was eminent. The girls surrounding him were gawking at her. Aliesa had kept herself hidden fairly well until then, standing several feet away over by Kara that they hadn’t even noticed she was around. She’d gotten some stares. But nothing blatant, nothing she couldn’t pass off. Lily’s frame kept her well guarded from people coming up to her. But this was different. If they had even seen her before and doubted it, this time there was no mistake with her standing next to JC. Her ponytail swept through the same kind of baseball cap that had attempted to shield JC’s identity some, the wedding band on her finger the dead giveaway. The girls weren’t blind. She felt the accusations in their eyes. The wondering. The contemplations. It was only a matter of time before the focus would stop on JC. She wondered if maybe she should have taken her sister’s advice. “Aliesa can I have your autograph?” She breathed easier at the request, relieved. She smiled helplessly at the paper thrust in front of her. “Well I would but…my hands are a little full right now…” she explained tilting her head to the small figure in her arms, brushing the small pieces of hair that had fallen in front of Lily’s face as she shifted a little and buried her head deeper into her shoulder. The girl couldn’t help but ask. “Is that? Did you and JC?” Aliesa laughed at the absurdity of the question. “Oh no! JC and I haven’t gotten that far ahead yet.” She bit her lip at the word yet escaping her lips. There wasn’t going to be a yet. “She’s my niece,” she explained. The young girl smiled in understanding. “Oh. That explains why she looks so much like you. She’s really cute.” “No. She’s beautiful, a miniature version of her aunt,” JC interjected, winking at the girl standing in front of his wife. The girl blushed. He met Aliesa’s eyes. “I can hold her Ali. That way you can sign a couple real fast before we go. I think I see Kara heading this way.” Aliesa arched her neck past him to see that he was correct; her sister was indeed headed in their direction. She silently agreed. JC was so gentle Lily never even stirred as she was transferred into his arms. As soon as the exchange was made, the swarm of people around them rushed forward, pushing things into her direction. JC remained by her side, almost protectively. And Aliesa was more than grateful he hadn’t walked away to leave her there. Taking the outstretched paper and pen from the girl who had approached her moments earlier Aliesa wrote her name with a flourish. “I think you two will have really beautiful kids when you have them,” the girl commented as Aliesa handed it back to her. And like it usually did nowadays, the smile automatically appeared on her face as she looked at the young fan. But this time something felt different in the way having to plaster it on made her feel. It hurt so much more. “Thanks,” Aliesa said softly, watching JC’s reaction from the corner of her eye, knowing he was probably thinking the same thing she was thinking at the comment, and it made her sadder. “I hope we do.” Chapter
26
|