Chapter 6: Drowning Your Sorrow (The Answer)

No No No No that's not what they like
No they want to keep us quiet- then baby
I'll be your secret
If you can keep it
And I'll be your friend
If you really need it
And I'll be the answer to your why
If you're willing to give me a try
                    ---Tim James "I'll Be Your Secret"

Aliesa blinked.

Nope.  It wasn’t a dream.  She was still here.  Stuck. 

Nick laughed and Aliesa briefly shut her eyes again at the sound. 

Stuck with him. 

She watched him converse animatedly with AJ.  He was actually being charming.  It was the exact opposite of everything she had seen from him since that fateful day she woke up next to him in a hotel suite in Las Vegas.  They were never going to get along like that.  Never.   And this would never end would it?

“So when did you realize that Nick was the one?”

“What?” Aliesa answered disoriented, shaking her head lightly as she cleared her thoughts and focused in on AJ’s girlfriend.

“You and Nick?” Amanda repeated smiling.

Aliesa coughed and drummed her fingers lightly on the table.

“Oh…” she began trying to come up with the right words. 

“Yeah I’d love to hear this!  What possessed a beautiful woman such as yourself to agree to spend the rest of your life with this?” AJ smirked motioning to his bandmate.  “I don’t see how anyone could find this boy to be attractive…much less marriage material,” he finished ruffling Nick’s hair. 

“This from the guy who thinks McDonald’s is high class dining…” Nick muttered moving his head away from AJ’s reach and crossing his arms over his chest in annoyance. 

“Name me another place with better french fries,” AJ pointed out, his eyes peering over his sunglasses.  His prompt was met with silence.  “You can’t can you?” 

“Smart ass,”  Nick coughed into his hand. 

“It’s alright Nicky.  You’ve still got your looks…You’re just so darn cute!” AJ replied, pinching his band mate’s cheeks.  He batted his eyelashes and puckered his lips.  Nick raised an eyebrow and narrowed his eyes.  Before AJ could react Nick hit him upside the head.  A second later a cheeseburger wrapper flew through the air.  AJ smirked.  Nick reached out and shoved.  It was retaliated with a pull on his ear. 

Aliesa’s eyes widened as she watched Nick throw a french fry.  She wasn’t quite sure how to react.  Was there reason to be concerned?  Was she supposed to join in? She sat perplexed but amused as AJ and Nick continued their small food fight.  Of course in a situation like this she was rooting for AJ.  Nick deserved everything that was coming to him.  She continued to watch…speechless. 

Amanda unfazed by the turn of events at the small table leaned in.  “Ignore the immaturity Aliesa.  It’s the testosterone…”

“Heard that!” AJ called out to Amanda as he pulled up his hands over his head to block Nick’s attacks.  “OW!   Damn Nick!   Have you been working out or something?” he commented as he was hit by more fries.

Amanda shook her head at Aliesa.  “Makes you wonder what those girls see in them huh?  She motioned to the spectacle in front of her.  “Attractive isn't it?”

Aliesa chuckled at the comment.  Then she giggled.  It was like she couldn’t contain herself.  Amanda joined in and soon the pair were in fits of laughter.  The ring of their amusement was enough for AJ and Nick to immediately cease in their antics.

“What in the hell is so funny?” AJ asked plainly.

“Nothing baby…”Amanda said trying to suppress her laughter as she moved over to her boyfriend.  “Nothing,” she repeated as she smoothed out his hair, removing the french fries that had found their way on top of his head and kissed him on the check.

“Because I know you weren’t laughing at me,” AJ whispered as he leaned his forehead against Amanda’s. 

     The display of affection between the two gave Aliesa an empty feeling.  They were in love.  It was written all over their actions.  In the way they looked at each other.  In the way they interacted.  She missed that.  She couldn’t have that.  No.  All she had was this emptiness.  And it was a mistake.  She was so tired of playing this game.  How could they go on in this charade without people noticing that they didn’t have that light that followed couples in love?  She cocked her head over towards Nick.  He was watching the other pair too.  If she didn’t know any better Aliesa would have said he looked at them as she did, almost wistfully.  Nick met her eyes.  Without speaking and without any notice he took her hand in his.  Aliesa didn’t withdraw it.  She knew what kind of act they were playing.  But for that brief moment it wasn’t just about their role-playing in public.  For a minute, what passed between their gazes was an unspoken understanding about their predicament.  How ironically they were each other’s outlets for frustration.  The only other person who could remotely relate to what they were going through… 

It was fleeting. 

AJ cleared his throat and the situation sunk in.  What they were doing.  How they were setting out to fool everyone.

 “So you going to tell us Aliesa?” AJ prompted as he wrapped his arms tightly around Amanda’s waist.  “How in the hell did Nick Carter get lucky enough to get a great girl like you?”

Aliesa felt everyone’s eyes on her expectantly.  A blush crept into her cheeks.

“Oh…right…” Aliesa answered tucking a stray strand of hair behind her ear nervously  “You know I can’t say really… I just woke up one day and everything was different between the two of us…” she drifted off unsure of what else to say about the matter.  Nick and she were already tight lipped about the whole situation with the press, and she couldn’t see any need to give any more information than necessary to anyone else involved.

“Really?  How so?” Amanda asked curiously. 

Aliesa inwardly cringed.  Obviously Amanda and AJ hadn’t been enlightened very much by Nick.  Why wasn’t she surprised?  Of course the pair had to be one of the many who were still shocked at the news of the nuptials.  Knowing Nick he probably just told them that moments before he announced it to the world. Hell.

“Yeah Ali.  How so?” Nick repeated.  Aliesa couldn’t believe the nerve.  Of course she was the only one who could detect the hint of bitterness and sarcasm in his comment.  She was the only one who could hear how in his words how he was throwing down the gauntlet, egging her on to see how far she would take this.  She looked straight into his blue eyes and with everything one look could convey she gave him a piece of her mind.  And at that his lips formed into that smirk she was so used to seeing on his face.  It was smug and it was taunting.   It was everything she needed to not back down from the situation at hand.  They wanted details.  She’d give them details.  If Nick wanted to play, oh she’d play. 

“Well…” she centered her attention on AJ and Amanda as her mind swam with the possibilities of a response that was infringed with some sort of truth.  “One minute he was just like every other guy I met, and then suddenly I found myself…I can’t think of the words I want to use here…” Aliesa stopped sheepishly.  She leaned in towards Nick, placing her head on his shoulder.  The simple motion was an indication to him that she was faking her hesitation. He braced himself for the comeback he was going to get for his words earlier. He swallowed.  She went for it.  Aliesa gazed up at him dreamily.  She was in full swoon mode.  “It was like there were forces beyond my control pushing me…telling me even…that this was it…I couldn’t fight it.  He changed the way I looked at love.”

“That’s so sweet…” Amanda cooed.

“Isn’t it?” Nick said fighting the urge to gag as he rubbed his fingers against the outside of Aliesa’s palm.  She held her breath in anticipation for his terse comment.  The one whose true depth only she would understand.  But it didn’t come.  He didn’t say a thing.  Instead she felt his lips brush against her forehead.  Her eyes shut at the feeling and she fought for self-control to not push his hand away when it grazed her cheek in a loving gesture.  Of course he had to play it better.  He had to upstage her act.  She could only imagine how he was gloating, loving every minute of the uncomfortable feelings he was creating within her with his actions.

“Well…I still don’t get what you see in him Aliesa!  But whatever it is- THANK YOU on behalf of the other fellas and I!  Ever since you two got together- Nick’s actually been tolerable!  It’s like he’s a different man,” AJ cracked.

Amanda jabbed AJ in the side.

“What?  It’s the truth,” AJ countered.

Nick picked up a french fry and threw it at him. 

*******************************

“Well looks like we passed.  AJ and Amanda bought it,”  Nick said as he closed the bedroom door behind him. 

“Yeah.”

“That’s it?” Nick countered in disbelief.  “No Nick you creep don’t ever think of touching me again?  No Nick you disgust me?”

“Frankly I’m too tired to pump your ego.”

“Come on Aliesa!   No snide comeback?  No name-calling?  What’s the matter?   Losing your touch?”

“I get it.  You want to fight with me?  Is that it?” Aliesa replied as she tied back her hair.

“I’m just trying to understand this sudden amiability.”

Aliesa let out a forced laugh.  “Amiability?  Oooh…big word there Nick.  Need some ice?  I’m sure your brain is killing you after that one.”

“Knew it wouldn’t last…” Nick muttered as he sat on the bed and took off his shirt.

At that utterance, Aliesa was at his side in a second.  She poked his shoulder roughly.  “I’m not the one who started as soon as we came back.  I did YOU a favor tonight.  Remember that,” she jeered before turning promptly around.

He grabbed her wrist.  “You didn’t do me any favors.”

She spun back towards him.  “Oh I’d say I did.  Because of me AJ and Amanda think we’re one big happy couple!  We’re bursting with love Nick can’t you see?  Or couldn’t you tell?  I ADORE you,” Aliesa spat as she tugged her wrist free from his grasp.

“Fuck you.”

“You wish,” Aliesa said coolly.

“Why are you like this?” Nick responded exasperated.  Aliesa just looked at him blankly.   “I am tired of this overdramatic act of yours!” Nick shouted.

Aliesa winced.  Her breathing picked up as she let out short angry breaths.   “And you’re not playing it for all its worth?  Please!  Don’t you dare make it sound like it is all my fault.  You and I BOTH know that it is not my fault we’re in this damn predicament,” she cried out loudly as her hands balled into fists, beating against his chest as hard as she could.  

Nick grabbed a hold of her. “No it’s not your fault,” he replied softly as he dropped her hands.  “I’m as much to blame as you are.  But why do we have to go through this Aliesa?  Why do we have to be like this?” he said tiredly, running his fingers absent-mindly back and forth through his hair. 

Aliesa exhaled, silently calming herself for a moment.  The truth was she was just as tired of it all as he was.  She sat herself down next to him. “I don’t know,” she answered simply.  “I just don’t know.”

Nick nodded numbly.

“Yeah?  Well what I do know is I need a drink,” Nick said his voice void of any emotion as he got up stiffly and headed to the mini-bar. 

     Aliesa’s eyes followed his movements.  She bit her lip.  It would just be trouble.  Her fingers found their way to her mouth as she bit her nails next.  But GOD could she use a drink to forget.  She watched as he raised the bottle.  She watched as he drank the contents down and reached for another one.  By the time he had reached for a third bottle she had sauntered over to where he stood.  He offered her one.  She took it and slid down to the floor.  He propped himself next to her.  And they sat there in silence.  Drinking.  If anything they had in common it was this: to drown out their sorrows in alcohol. 

Chapter 7
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