That I'm walking through the clouds
When you're looking at me
I'm feeling like a child
Vulnerability
I am shaking like a leaf if
You move beside me
And you're all that I see
But it's no good for me
                                     -----"No Good For Me"-The Corrs
 

Christian. 

The regret. 

The loss. 

The break-up. 

“Christian?”  Aliesa repeated still in shock staring at the man in front of her.  It’d been so long and now he was standing straight in front of her.  She hadn’t seen him in person in months.  But he looked just like she had remembered.  God he looked good. 

“If you say my name one more time I’ll think it’s because you forgot it,” he said grinning as he captured her into a tight hug.  She shut her eyes instinctively, lost in the smell of his cologne, and the familiarity of the way his arms encircled her waist just right.  She hadn’t been hugged like that in a long time.

“It’s so good to see you,” he whispered as she wrapped her arms around his neck, fully embracing him.  “So good Ellie.”  A shiver ran down her spine, she’d forgotten just how hearing the endearment from his lips made her feel.  God.  How she had forgotten.  Long ago tucked away feelings rushed up within her warming her to the core as she continued to hug him in the hallway, a contended smile formed on her lips.

And then it faded.  Aliesa remembered.  This wasn’t last year. This was now.   The fact was that they were no longer together.  “Chris what are you doing here?”  Aliesa asked attempting to place back on a smile for politeness’ sake as she left his embrace hesitantly.  “You’re the last person I expected to run into here.”

Christian nodded, putting his hands in his pockets, bouncing up and down on his heels. “We’re making the rounds.” 

“A new single?”

“New album actually.”

“Wow!”  Aliesa gasped, her eyes wide as saucers.  “Has it been that long?  I remember the last time we talked you were just starting to write new material,” she said wistfully, unaware that she was absently playing with the ring on her finger.

Christian noticed.  He watched her twist her wedding ring around an unreadable expression on his face.  “Yeah.  Well it’s been a while…”

“I know…it has...” She didn’t want to go down that road.  It was the last thing she could think about talking about.  She’d berated herself enough over their break-up, spending long days wondering how it had all gone so wrong.   “So…Where’s the rest of my BBMak boys then?”  She asked lightheartedly attempting to change subjects.

“Finishing some spots down the hall…I just stepped out for some water when I saw you…”

“You will tell them I said hi.”

“Of course.  You know they’ll probably be upset I didn’t come get them to say hello to you personally.  They miss you…I've missed you.” 

She simply acknowledged the comment with a nod, her eyes lowering as if the floor held some great meaning she could not ignore.  “Staying in London long?”

“No…leaving actually.  We’re umm…going back to Los Angeles the day after tomorrow…” He paused. 
“I heard you were going to be in town for a bit.”

Aliesa nodded in affirmation, twisting her hands.  “Yeah.  I’m rehearsing for the tour here.”

“I might see you around then,” Christian offered. 

“Maybe…” Aliesa answered elusively. 

He took a deep breath, removing a hand from his pocket.  “Ellie…I” 

She watched him fumble with his words. 

“I had been meaning to call…I wanted too…But…”  he trailed off. 

Their eyes met. 

He didn’t have to explain further.  They both knew what he was referring to.  Aliesa’s polite smile quickly diminished as she bit her lip.  How easily it had slipped.  She was married. 

“I understand…your schedule... I don’t know where my time goes either.  Things sort of get crazy every now and then…lots to think about.”  She said trying to ease the conversation by making excuses so he didn’t have to.

“We both know that’s not an excuse…” he said running his fingers through his short brown hair.  She eyed it.  How could she not have noticed before?  His hair wasn’t blonde anymore.  “ …I just…”

“Really you don’t have to explain…” Aliesa reiterated adverting her gaze.  “I could have made an effort too…I’ve been a little preoccupied myself”

A tight smile formed on his lips.  “I’ve heard…” He looked at her wedding ring again.  “Congratulations.” 

They stood there tongue-tied, in a hush one only gets when they run into someone they used to love.

 An awkward silence fell over them.

Christian spoke first because he knew her well enough to know she wouldn’t.  “It never used to be this hard did it?” 

“No. No it didn’t.” 

He didn’t say anything in response.  The quiet overtook again. 

What more could you say?  This was not the time and place. 

It was too late.

“Well…I should let you get back to the guys.  Wouldn’t want you to get into any trouble,”  she began.

“And you probably have to go too…” Christian added quietly.  Their eyes met again.   He tentatively reached over, stopping, unsure of what to do.  Aliesa made the choice for him.  She crossed the line first.  His arms tightened around her.  “It was good seeing you.”

She fought the small cry in her throat and the tears that were waiting to fall as she clutched almost desperately at him.  How did they ever get to this point?

“Keep in touch will you Ellie…” 

“Sure Chris…” she answered, giving yet another empty promise as she hugged him back trying to remember the feeling of being really loved.  “Sure.” 

**********************

      She sat in the van staring vaguely ahead of her waiting for the doors to slide open and the guys to come rushing through.  She was dreading it. Christian.  She couldn’t stop thinking about it.  Seeing her ex-boyfriend had done a number on her mental state.  She thought she was over him.  But she’d only been fooling herself.  She hadn’t forgotten.  She wasn’t that strong. 
     She was so emotionally exhausted.  She didn’t think she could handle much more.  The idea of having to pretend happiness with Ritchie some more was not helping the situation in the least.  She realized that it wouldn’t take much more for her to break completely.  She was that fragile. 
     So she just sat there, as the door swung open and the rush began.  Her ears drowned out the chaos going on around her.  She knew Ritchie of course would probably be one of the last to climb in.  It took him the longest to get away from the pandemonium of fans.  It would give her a little more time to try to put herself back together.  What she didn’t count on was Scott being the first one in.  She didn’t have enough time to hide it away.  He took a seat beside her.

“Hey Al.  Long day?” 

He’d noticed.  The tone of his voice alerted her instantly.  She hadn’t been able to cover up that sad look in her eyes well enough. 

“The usual…” she responded vaguely, idly playing with the bracelets around her wrist, letting the sounds of the collisions calm her.

“Rosie says hi,”  Scott said pretending not to notice how distant she was being.

“Oh?”

“I think she said something about getting you and Ritchie a late wedding present.  I won’t be surprised if she actually does.  It was all she could talk about during our interview.  Ritchie and you….”

“It seems it’s all anyone can talk about at these things,” she retorted back, barely above a whisper.

His forehead wrinkled.  Scott grimaced as he tried to understand the underlying meaning behind the words.  “Did you have a tough run-in this morning?”  He inquired.

“You could say that…” 

     That time the small tones of bitterness were hard to ignore.  Before Scott could ask her more, to find out what was weighing on her mind, the van doors shut as Ritchie climbed in.  And with it, Aliesa’s eyes, once seemingly empty, suddenly sprung to life.  And whatever it was that she would have said to Scott was lost.  Her attention diverted.  She was moving on.

“Hey sweetie,”  Ritchie greeted, wrapping an arm around her shoulders and kissing the top of her forehead lovingly.  “How’s my girl?”

“Missed you,”  Aliesa breathed out, leaning against him, dropping her head on his shoulder.  She reached out for his hand, entwining their fingers together in his lap. 

And that’s how Ritchie knew something was wrong…very wrong. 

In all the times they would pretend, she never reached out to him…ever. 

She felt his questioning gaze sweep over her.  She knew he’d realize. 

He brushed the hair from her face, letting the locks slip through his fingers.   “You okay?” He asked delicately, holding her tighter to him as the van began to move.

“Just tired Ritchie,” she murmured.  “So tired…”  She shut her eyes and breathed in. 

“I know…” he empathized.  It was a bond that was theirs and no one else's.

She sighed, nuzzling against his neck.  Their break would come soon.  The closed doors would provide them with shelter from the curious.  They’d be able to get away.

“Soon…I promise...” he whispered soothingly to her, thinking the exact same thing.    He kissed her forehead again.  Two Months.   “Happy Anniversary.” 

From his seat, Scott watched the exchange.  And though it should have appeased his concern, it didn’t.  It only made him more suspicious that something was going on with Aliesa Montaine, and only the more adamant to figure it out.

Chapter 14
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