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By: Soxy She rested her head in his lap let the cool and fresh air inundate her senses. Funny how something so simple could bring you such peace. His arms were strong around her. For the quite moments that went by, she felt blessed. She let her thoughts leave her and let the moment surround her. “Have you ever wished you followed a different path?” She stirred at his question. It was laughable really. She knew he was sincere with his question. He had always had the tendency to let his mind wander. Yet, the question he proposed had the most obvious answer. So, she thought about it a moment, dug deeper trying to find out what was going on with him. “I never asked you, why are you in Colorado?” “I mean it, Mish, what if we never met? What if I never met Britney? What if I never let myself take the chance? What if,” he never finished his last ‘what if’ and it lingered in the air between them. “I think if you question everything, you’ll just get more questions with no answers. My mom always told me to live, dance, and enjoy. She was always aware of the time, of what little time we actually have. But, if you want an answer to your questions, you wouldn’t be the man you are today if not for all of those what ifs.” She looked up at him and smiled tenderly when he brushed a curl from her face. “So much for going out and pretending to be someone else.” He said with a shrug. “A man of great ideas that go nowhere.” “I like this much better. Plus, calling you Randall would cause a seize of laughter I couldn’t possibly contain.” She squeezed his hand. “Now, why are you in Colorado J?” “Keeping it real, huh?” When she nodded, he cleared his throat. “Relationships aren’t perfect.” Startled, she moved to sit up but his arms kept her where she was. “Justin?” His name in that tone spoke volumes. “Just a spat. But, your situation with Tim made me think of it. I needed a break and I ran. Then again I got to see your sorry ass.” Hearing Tim’s name brought the memories back. She was quite for a moment before she softly asked, “Running always seems like the best thing. Sometimes I feel like I’ve been running this whole time.” She paused and asked on a whisper, “When does it stop hurting?” Brushing his fingers through her hair he answered far too wisely for his age, “it never does. You just learn to compartmentalize it. You learn to live with it and it becomes a dull ache. Sometimes, you’re even blessed enough to meet someone who accepts you, broken pieces and all.” “That’s the hard part. It’s been a year and a half. I still love him and he’s married now. I want to hate him, but I can’t. I want to just move on, but I feel so stuck. My heads let go, and I really believed my heart did too. Now,” she didn’t finish, emotion caught in her throat. “Mish, you haven’t been out with anyone since Tim. Of course it’s going to be hard. I mean you’ve had a few red carpet dates set up purely by Jules for PR reasons. Other than that, you’ve gone stale baby. You told me the first night I got here, with you, that you felt something with Orlando. That was the first time I ever heard you talk about a guy like it meant something to you.” “Justin, it’s just lust and pointless. He’s happy with Kate. Why would I want to become that girl who stole him away?” Again she moved to sit up, this time he let her. “When you feel that spark again, Mike, that’s when you fight. That’s when it’s a damn good sign that you’ve met that someone who will take you broken, whole, or half mashed.” A moment went by as they looked out at the open sky. Only a few days and Orlando had made such an impact on her. It was scary, really. She understood what Justin was saying, but was still too afraid to try anything. “You fought for Tim even when the odds were completely against you. If Orlando makes you feel anything, why not fight?” Did he have to sound so reasonable? “Because, say if this is all lust? Huh? What then, I fucked up a great relationship because I want to make sure I’m still in working order?” He grabbed her chin and made her look at him, “No, Michelle think about it. You do it because it will make you happier. Because it will help you heal. This attraction between the two of you… it’s not getting any weaker… what you feel for him is it? It’s only getting stronger, that’s how you know it’s real. That’s how you know to fight for it. You’ve never given up before, Michelle. You’ve never let them tell you no, until you had your final breath on the matter. So why are you going all pansy on me now?” He actually sounded mad. “I don’t know if I can stand a rejection, Justin. I don’t know if I can give my heart up so easily. The risk is too great.” “If we don’t take risks and live life how do we know what life really holds?” She looked away and took a deep breath. “You’re right. It would be stupid not to try and find out if something is there. But what’s the game plan? How do I do this so Kate doesn’t get too hurt, I don’t crumble, and I get the guy who gives me butterflies?” He stood up and offered his hand to her. They walked towards the snow mobile. Handing her her helmet he said with a grin, “it’s good to be king” “Why is it you felt he need to quote Mel Brooks right now?” She asked with a shake of her head. “Because, that boy has no chance.” His words made her hesitate. “Justin, maybe this isn’t a good idea. Maybe I should just work on being friends with him. That way I’ll know if it’s something I really want.” She was desperately trying to rationalize. He answered with a smirk, “you want it. You’re just being a chicken shit about admitting it. Michelle, I’m right here if it doesn’t go down the right way. I’m right here if you feel your step is faltering.” She watched as he got on the snow mobile. “What about you? What’s going on with you and….” “She wants what I can’t give her.” He answered after a moment of silence. Mike took his helmet off and looked into his eyes that she’d seen with pain before, but the look in them now shattered her self control. Immediately her arms were around him. “You’re a good talker, too bad you can’t do the things you tell me.” “She wants a full commitment. She wants me to be a person I can’t be. A person who didn’t die a little when my heart was broken. She wants to be the only memory. She’s one of the most beautiful women in the world and she’ll still question when I go out with the guys to the clubs after the shows.” “Just because a girl is good looking doesn’t mean that she doesn’t feel jealous. Get real J, don’t you feel a little jealous when a hot guy is working with her? Or looking at her?” She tried her best to rationalize with him. ”Justin, maybe you’re being a little rash here. I mean, you told me that Cam was the girl who accepted you broken. She doesn’t seem the type to change her mind.” He pushed her back and took her helmet from her hand and threw it in the snow. “Sometimes we want something bad enough we look past the flaws, but they always come back to haunt us. Sometimes we accept it because it’s convenient for the time being, but realize latter on it’s not so perfect.” He looked away. “One minute she’s talking forever and the next she’s talking about taking a break because I can’t be what she needs. I can’t live on a rollercoaster. I came to Colorado because I couldn’t live through the story I’ve already lived through.” He looked at her then and whispered, “Helping you helps me.” She cupped his cheek and brushed a tear from his jaw, “she’s different than her, and you know that. You’ll get through this. Like you said, I’m right here. Right here even when the steps are faltering.” He took her hand and gently kissed her gloved covered hand. “I wish sometimes that I met you first. There never seemed to be the right time, ya know?” She tried to read his expression and came up blank. “What aren’t you telling me?” “She’s jealous of you.” The words were whispered. She was startled, but he continued before she could question anything. “That’s the main reason I had to get away. The jealousy was just wrong, ya know? I’ve lived through this. Every girl I’m linked to in the press… Brit would flip and now Cam does too. It makes it more complicated because it’s you. She’s jealous because she knows how I feel about you. Come to think about it, Brit was too.” There was a stunned silence. She felt her whole body tense and then buzz with alertness. “Justin, what are you saying?” Chapter
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