I woke up one night in a cold sweat. My body was covered in a moistness brought on by the horrible nightmare I was all alone. I looked over to my right and there you were. Your torso bare, your hair like golden embers against the darkness of night. My eyes closed tightly, and I wished you would have some sixth sense to wake up and tell me my dream was ridiculous, that I would never be alone, that I would have you. I ran my fingers through your hair and got up. I made my way down to the kitchen and took a drink of the liquor you used for special occasions. That night was my special occasion. The one time in my life where I feared my future didn’t have you; where I needed the burning sensation easing down my throat to cloud my mind from its hysterics. When I came back up to the bedroom, you were awake- but you said nothing. Nothing At All. I waited patiently at the airport, watching
the happy couples reuniting. In the back of my mind I was pretending
it was me and you each time. What it would be like to have your arms
wrapped around me again. The strength in your arms. There was
nothing like the strength your love brought me. I would look up into your
eyes and you would know; that the strength your arms gave me was the same
my eyes brought you. You would feel loved and cherished. The
world wouldn’t be perfect, but it would be ok, just you and me.
Nothing At All. I walked into the club that clear night. I
looked for you. I needed your comfort. You needed mine.
My heart was yours, I was going to tell you that night. I was going
to tell you that no matter what, all you had to do was look at me- to know
you had something-that we had something. I looked for you like a
love struck teenager realizing for the first time what love was.
But I did know that night. I knew that love was tough, a struggle, and
when it worked it was the sweetest heaven.
Nothing At All. I talk to you weeks later. I try to get the truth from you. My heart pounds and aches, hoping you’ll come around. I try and explain that I’ll forgive anything. That I love you, I want to try to make you happy. It’s not the pathetic I need you forgiveness and love. No. This is the, I know you need me. I know your conscious is berating you. I know you know how good I am for you. But you don’t really see. You don’t see how much I would do for you. You don’t see that I’ve stayed around so long with the hope you would. But you see nothing. Nothing At All. I packed my bags last night. I left anything
that would bring the memories. I wanted you to be haunted, not me.
You should have thought before you laid that woman down. I closed
the bags slowly, maybe hoping you would all of sudden understand the mistakes
you made. I looked around one more time. I drew strength from
an unknown source and walked down the stairs. I dropped the keys
on the small table next to the window. The place where we always
kept the keys. Except this time, I wasn’t coming back.
Nothing At All. |