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By: Angela and Jules
November 19, 2001 11:09 pm. To my one and only, who will most likely never ever see this... You don't know how hard it is to live without you. I remember I used to wake up loving ever breath that I breathed in and every step I took because I knew it would somehow lead to you. I remember when I used to be confident knowing that you would always be there to love me. I remember the dreams we used to share and all the love we used to have and then one day, everything disappeared. I look back and I don't know what happened. Its like, when I had you, everything made sense. And now, nothing makes sense anymore. Its like a part of me is missing. You complete me. You and nobody else. I've looked around, I've tried to move on. I've thought that I had fallen in love with someone else only to find out that it was nothing, and that nothing can compare to you. The other day, we crossed paths. The first time in what feels like years. But when we did, it was different. You were with HER. I wonder if she loves you as much as I do? And if she does, I wonder if she would go through what I went through with you... Its been over a year, and I mean, I thought I was better. But the same shit always happens. It's like a cycle. One day goes by, and I think I am okay, but the next day, I break down and I realize that I am still in love with you. I truly believe that deep down inside my heart that you are my soul mate. Because if you weren't then my soul wouldn't be dying without you. Nowadays, its like I still take every breath, and I still walk every step. But the truth is that I do because it's only in hope that one day, maybe we'll run into each other. That maybe one day, you'll be in my arms again. That maybe one day, I'll hear those words that I used to hear all the time... "I love you." I've found that I live my life wishing that you were here by my side. I live my life wishing that you'd come by and tap on my window like you used to just to say that everything will be okay. I live my life in memories. I remember when we used to just lie in my bed in complete darkness and hold each other. I remember looking into your eyes and seeing what your heart felt. And now, now there isn't anything. I have nobody. There are only the thoughts I have. It keeps me awake at night. It stays in my thoughts in the day. I'm stuck alone, just reminiscing, just wondering if you still feel the same for me. But I honestly doubt it. He doesn't love me anymore. He's moved on. He loves her. Her. Not me. Not me. And it's for that very same reason that everything is so fucked up now. It's for that very same reason why I cry myself to sleep every night and nothing makes sense anymore. Nothing. I wish I was in love again. No, wait. I still am. It's you that has forgotten about me. Something I thought that you would never do. You promised me that you would love me forever, and now all I can think about are broken promises. Broken promises, with a broken heart. A broken heart, that longs for nothing else but the love that you had for me once... The love that has somehow disappeared. As if, as if it was never there. And so I just wonder now. I wonder if you still love me. I wonder if you ever think of me. I wonder if there's ever gonna be "us" again. I wonder lots of things, but I guess I am never going to find out. I guess I'm just gonna have to keep doing what I'm doing. Until the love fades. If it ever does... Back
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