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By: Calliope & Jess
The thing was he made me nervous. Even if I was pissed off, confused, and completely off the kilter as far as sanity or reason, Nick Carter could still made me nervous. He made the butterflies in my stomach flutter like nothing else on earth. Especially when paused there, blue eyes searching for a sign perhaps to see if I was going to go with my inner running/yelling/ignoring intuition despite this chick flick connotation happening right now, and probably just as unsure as I was about why I was there. After all, I had stormed out on him a couple of hours ago, unwilling to talk, and muttering obscenities under my breath, despite his failed scheme to get me to do otherwise. So yeah he was probably wondering what I was doing stalking his front porch… Well... “I wanted to know if you liked One Sweet World ice cream,” I finally answered. It was crazy. It was irrational. And it was totally the truth. Sorta… Nick’s brow furrowed, “Ice Cream?” he pronounced, albeit a little confused, and deservedly so. I lowered my gaze. “The thing is Hannah gave me two spoons as this peace offering and I didn’t want to waste it…” I shrugged carelessly, probably looking just as sheepish as Nick had earlier. “And I was driving by…so…” “So ice cream?” he remarked. I lifted my eyes and nodded. Hannah was going to kill me… “That’s the whole reason why you’re at my door?” he asked, obviously still trying to process. I nodded again. AJ was going to kill me... “Just the ice cream?” I bit my lip to prevent myself from saying something that I would regret in retrospect and just did that nodding thing once more. “And then what?” I cleared my throat. “What - what?” I repeated dumbly. A grin slowly materialized on Nick’s face. He leaned forward. “And then what?” he persisted, looking at me with those deep blue - damn were they ever blue this close-up- eyes of his. I swallowed, finding it just a little hard to breathe at the moment, and I don’t think it had anything to do with being knocked onto a door. Hell, I was more than sure it didn’t. “You think there was more than just the ice cream?” I squeaked out, faltering, totally distracted at the eclipsing space between us. I was crazy. Totally irrational. “I dunno…” Nick mumbled, leaning down further, his free hand tucking a strand of hair behind my ear. “You still mad at me?” he asked, voice low, fingers lingering on my cheek. “I don’t know…” I stared at his mouth. Totally, totally, irrational and completely, completely, crazy. “You still dating Stephanie?” Nick cupped my face. “Stephanie who?” he murmured against my lips. “Nick don’t be—” My fingers flattened against his chest when his mouth pressed against my own. And suddenly I was kissing Nick, my hands splaying across his neck as he parted my lips beneath his. Oh. My. God. Did my imagination never gave kissing Nick any justice… definitely underrated it- Definitely. When we pulled apart for air, my eyes shut, ready for another assault on my lips. Hell, he could assault them for the rest of the night for all I cared. It was so cliché to admit, but I could keep doing this forever. It was that mind-blowing. He lowered his face again, and I tilted up… But then I got the image of his back… Which, don’t get me wrong – I know he’s pretty and all, and I’m sure his back is no exception, but to me, his back is the ugliest thing in the world. And, unfortunately for Nick, his back is the ONLY part of him I’d seen before this summer. Sure I was seeing his front now, but that was because he’d finally gotten the chance to chase me. And when did he start chasing? When he thought I was freaking in love with someone else. Suddenly, that whole idea of “always wanting what you can’t have” seemed like a bad omen. Because, honestly, now that he had me, what could Nick-fucking-Carter want with me? Maybe that’s why, despite daydreaming about it for practically my whole life, I stopped that kiss. “Wait.” Standing still for a moment, chest heaving, I tried to regain some composure. And when I looked up, Nick was frowning at me. My God, he actually looked concerned. “What’s wrong, Lana?” Maybe AJ’s right. Maybe he really does care. But maybe… “You don’t really want this.” There, I said it. Okay, so maybe I didn’t say it with a lot of tact, but I said it. “WHAT?!” “You don’t really want this.” And, suddenly, I was gesturing wildly. “Me, you, us. Together. You don’t really…there’s just no way.” Nick closed his eyes. He took a deep breath. His lips starting moving silently, and it took me a second to realize that he was counting to ten. When his eyes opened again, he was smiling. “You really are this difficult all the time.” I flinched. “Not quite what I was looking for…” “I…I didn’t say it was a bad thing,” Nick laughed lightly. “It’s kinda refreshing, actually.” I gave him a breadbox look. “If you say anything about how most girls would fall all over you in this situation, I swear I’ll damage the very parts of you that most girls end up touching.” He winced. “Thanks for the warning.” “I’m not kidding.” And I wasn’t. I don’t know WHY, or how, but I wasn’t. I had just gone from knee-weakened sap to angry enough to not be kidding. “I don’t want to be some girl you like chasing, Nick. That’s not what this is about.” “Is that what you think?” Nick stared at me incredulously. “That I just like chasing you?” When I nodded, he ran a hand through his hair and groaned. “God, Lana, you saw me back there. I was a mess! I don’t do well with smart girls, okay? They don’t fall for my shit. You…you used to take shit from me because you thought I was cute or whatever, but ever since you got back home, you’ve…I don’t know. You’ve been confident. It makes me…I’m…I’m nervous as all hell, okay? Granted, it makes me like you a hell of a whole lot more, but it also makes me stumble over words and sound stupid and forget speeches that I’ve spent hours rehearsing and…” “Speeches you’ve spent hours rehearsing?” I know I sounded doubtful. Hell, I sounded downright spiteful. When I looked up, Nick was wearing a hurt expression. “You don’t believe me, do you?” I shrugged, suddenly ashamed of myself. The third-grader in me was kicking the ground. “It sounded more plausible when AJ said it.” Out of the corner of my eyes, I saw both of Nick’s fists clench. “Fucking AJ. I never…what was I…how in the WORLD could I be so stupid?” I didn’t say anything until he grabbed my hand and started stroking it with both of his. “Lana…God. I wish…I’m not…” He groaned again. “Fuck.” When he saw my raised eyebrows, he sighed. “That wasn’t the speech. Don’t worry. I just…I’m not like AJ. I don’t say smart things. I don’t…I don’t know how to impress girls that impress me. You’re like…you’re fucking light years out of my league, okay?” Huh? “Stephanie…she was easy to date. She’s average.” Yeah, right. I’d seen Stephanie. The girl was gorgeous. “She’s pretty. She likes sex. She…she’s just a girl.” I frowned in confusion. Isn’t that what guys like? “I hate girls like her.” Okay, maybe not... “They’re easy to date, though. I don’t ever want to impress them, so I never try. And, because I never try, I never fuck up.” He sighed and closed his eyes. “You’re…you’re worth trying for, Lana. And I know I’ll never impress you like AJ does, but fuck if I don’t wish I did.” He swallowed hard, and I watched as his Adam’s apple bobbed in his throat, as his brow furrowed. Oh my God… “You’re jealous of AJ?!” Okay, so that whole thing about not being rational? Yeah, this is where that comes into play. He looked up and frowned. “A little.” His eyebrows touched above his dark blue eyes. “You didn’t know?” Ummm… didn’t we cover this part already? “How the hell was I supposed to know, Nick? I was too busy trying to get you to notice me.” “Oh.” He grimaced. “I’m sorry. I know I’m a shit for what I did, but…” He looked up and bit his lower lip in apprehension. He straightened us up, then took a step back when he was sure I wouldn’t fall again. “Turn around.” “Why?” He stomped his foot like a three-year-old throwing a temper tantrum. “Just do it, okay? I can’t do it if you’re staring at me.” I was too curious NOT to turn around. Behind me, Nick took two deep breaths. For a second, he sounded like he was giving himself a whispered pep talk, but then he actually started talking. “Lana…I wish I knew the words to express to you how deeply sorry I am for hurting you. Not only this summer, with the underhanded way in which I chose to test your affection for me, but also for the previous years in which I didn’t do you justice.” He took a deep breath and hissed it out. When he spoke again, his voice was softer. “You’ve always been special to me. Even when we were kids and you were just Brent’s younger sister, I’ve always cherished your friendship. I’ve always admired your integrity and your wit, your shyness around me and your bold sarcasm in front of your brother. You…” He took another breath, and the rest of his words came in his exhale. “You amaze me, Lana, and I hate that I never showed you how much. I’m so sorry for insinuating that AJ would play you, because he’d be lucky to have you. My words that night weren’t a product of AJ’s actions, they were a product of my own insecurity. He’d be lucky to have you, just as any man in the world would be lucky to have you, but I didn’t want AJ to be that lucky. I wanted me to be that lucky.” There was a long period of silence. Finally, Nick cleared his throat behind me. “You…you can turn back around now.” I obeyed him, slowly but surely. When I looked up, he was staring hopefully at me. “Do you believe me now?” I nodded. I couldn’t say anything. I was still trying to figure out how much time he’d spent with the dictionary to construct a speech like that. It had to be a lot. God, he really does care about me. “Do you wanna, um, say something?” He was wringing his hands. “Did I mispronounce something? God, I hope I didn’t just offend you…” I reached out and grabbed his entangled hands, no longer caring if we fell into a heap onto his front porch or not. And after a few maneuvers, I had them tangled with mine. “No.” “No what?” “No, I don’t wanna say something. No, you didn’t mispronounce anything. NO, you didn’t offend me. You…you were perfect.” He gave me a shy, embarrassed half-smile. “As perfect as AJ?” I grinned. “Better.” He didn’t kiss me that time. I kissed him. “Your brother is going to kill me…” he muttered. I smiled against his mouth and he smiled against mine when I reached up and brought his face back down for another kiss. “What brother?” Back to kissing… Conclusion:
Living Happily Ever After
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