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By: Jess
When I was 17 years old, my brother took me with him to this party he was meeting Nick at. I was deep into my crushing at that point, and despite the fact I couldn’t utter a whole sentence to the guy, I was convinced that night things were going to change. I hadn’t seen Nick in person for several months. And I had not only cut my hair, but had grown an inch taller. To me it was “dramatic” enough to gain attention. I thought I looked different, so it was going to be different-- that was until his new girlfriend introduced herself. Then different didn’t seem to quite matter anymore. I spent the rest of that night mostly on the terrace staring at the sky, moping. Outside looking in…watching Nick with another girl. Wishing it were me. I swear, sometimes I feel like I’m regressing. “Last time I checked the party was inside.” “I know,” I replied dully. “So then why are you out here?” Because deep down, despite the new dress I’m wearing, I’m still that same 17 year-old girl. Still hoping. Still moping. Still outside looking in. Because she’s still trying to get her stupid brother’s best friend to figure out that she’s madly in love with him. She’s still convinced things will be different. While’s he’s still with another girl and not her. And the truth was, this girl could only take so much. I could only be self-empowering for so long before reality caused me to wallow. And trust me, Nick completely eyeing you one moment, and then ignoring you since that same one moment was enough of a downer. I’d have to pull teeth at this point to get him to react to me; he was brushing me off that much. I expelled a sigh. Okay. It was more like trying not to just scream at the top of my lungs, and settling for a dour expression. I focused on AJ. “You know that saying- ‘always a bridesmaid never a bride’?” I asked. AJ nodded. I motioned to myself. His mouth dropped open. “I leave you alone for one minute!” he exclaimed. “When did this happen? Where was I? My Lana? Getting married?” he gasped. I refused to smile. I was that moping 17-year-old all over again. And that stubborn drama queen in me refused to quit just because of the over-the-top enthusiasm AJ was obviously sporting at my benefit. Didn’t matter though. AJ unfazed by my blank response and tepid expression, grinned at me like a madman, undeterred. He’d obviously worked with tougher crowds. “Damn, I knew I was good, but not that good,” he proclaimed proudly, slinging an arm around my shoulders, dragging me into an embrace. “I got to start charging for my services.” He whistled loudly. “Man, I’m going to have to give up my day job...I mean I’m gifted. I’ve got to help others.” He pulled back and looked me over thoughtfully. “Or maybe I could just do it on the side…” he wondered aloud. “I mean those screaming girls could be potential clients. They’re a huge part in the demographic market.” He looked so serious that even the 17 year-old moper in me couldn’t resist. I shoved at him lightly, and he only laughed, still preening like a peacock. AJ beamed. “Damn, I am good,” he said matter-of-factly, wrapping his arm around me once again, when I finally gave in and smiled. He gave me a squeeze, “So beautiful, what do you say about turning that killer smile of yours loose on the unsuspecting and going back inside?” I shook my head, remembering why it was exactly I had retreated outside to begin with. My frown returned. “Hey now,” AJ chastised. “I worked hard to turn that frown upside down.” A hint of a smile flickered on my lips, but I didn’t budge from my spot. Instead of returning to the bright lights and music, I just settled back into his friendly embrace, choosing to lean my head on his shoulder to watch the bustle in front of me. “Babe?” “You think she’s pretty?” I inquired quietly as I looked through the plate of glass ahead. “Alright, that’s it. I can’t take the moping anymore.” AJ quickly spun me around to face him, bracing both hands on my shoulder blades. “You were doing so good.” “I’m not moping,” I contested, “that much,” I corrected when he eyed me condescendingly. “Repeat after me Lana,” he ordered, staring me straight into the eyes. “My name is Lana.” I blew out a breath. “AJ,” I whined. He clicked his tongue. “My name is Lana…” he prompted again. I rolled my eyes. “My name is Lana…” he pushed again. “My name is Lana,” I mumbled, knowing wallowing in self-pity just like I did when I was 17 was not going to happen. Tonight I had AJ McLean. “Good,” AJ encouraged. “Now say- I am the shit.” My mouth opened to protest. AJ raised an eyebrow at me. I clamped whatever objection I was going to use, and just followed instruction. “I am the shit.” “Now all together.” “My name is Lana. I am the shit.” AJ nodded with conviction at the phrase, and dropped his hands. “Now smile like you mean it.” I smiled widely. And I didn’t have to fake it. AJ was incorrigible. How he could be both smooth and goofy all at once I’ll never know. “That’s my girl.” He reached for my hand. “Remember you can lose the battle, and still win the war.” He pushed me forward and to the left. “Or was it you can win the battle, and still lose the war?” I linked my arm through his. “I think it’s the first one.” “You think? You’re an English major!” “That’s philosophy!” “Excuses, excuses!” “Hey AJ?” “Yeah, babe?” I stopped him from walking momentarily, reaching up I planted a light kiss on his lips. “Thanks,” I whispered against his mouth. One hand on my waist, AJ’s eyes twinkled. “You ain’t seen nothing yet.” I laughed, and AJ placed another quick peck on my lips, before a sly look crossed his face. “So tell me Lana baby, how good are your dancing skills exactly?” 20.
Don't Shy Away From Confrontation
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